I used to write about, talk about, and have conversations about things I thought I believed. I would hear a good message from a favorite pastor or speaker and start making it my own belief. My own truth.
I would post all over social media. I would argue points. I would debate the validity of those points. I would shake my head when others didn’t believe the same.
Basically, I was defending someone else’s convictions. Not my own.
It was easy to spout off some sort of theology, claim it as my belief, and march forward into the murky waters of social media arguments. Mainly, the comment section of any Christian blogging Facebook page. Talk about some craziness right there.
Then something happened. Something changed.
I realized that most of what I believed was mere head knowledge. There was no true understanding. No Holy Spirit revelation imprinted upon my heart. It was nothing more than shadows and smoke screens in an attempt to remain in darkness.
Whether knowingly or not, I was trying my best to appear crystal clean on the outside while my marriage was quickly ending due to a porn addiction. I had no clue how to be a husband or father. I was unaware of how much God truly loved me and was actively pursuing me.
I was as lost as lost can be.
Guilt, shame, and condemnation held me captive and blinded me from seeing or hearing truth. I had become so adapt as pushing aside the quiet voice of my conscience for so long, it eventually faded into silence.
Until fifteen months ago.
It returned with a roar. A rush of conviction so intense I was barely able to function in my normal, daily activities. The winds of change were blowing violently through my soul, and there was only one response.
Complete and utter surrender.
In the instant I gave it all up, told God I was tired of trying to fix things, and let Him have my junk, light exploded within the darkness, obliterating it. I was given a brand new heart. One already equipped to be in tune with the Father.
I began renewing my mind with truth. A nonexistent relationship with Papa God began to flourish into reality. I could hear His voice so very clearly.
I began to love my wife and daughters. I didn’t try to love them. I loved them. Huge difference. Loving others, seeking even more after righteousness, having a hunger to know Him more every day…all of these things are by-products of intimate relationship with God.
I have truly learned what it means to stop striving towards the Cross and start living from the finished work.
Things have happened just in the past two weeks that have strengthened my faith. I read certain Scriptures now and realize my life reflects their truth. I’ve tasted and seen that the Lord is good. He is SO good!
Now, instead of trying to post updates and statuses from what others are teaching, I’m simply talking about what God is doing in my life. I’m speaking out of a life lived growing up in my Father. I don’t have to argue. I don’t have to defend. I don’t have to debate. It’s so amazingly beautiful to just…be. To be His son.
I want to look a little more like my Papa each and every day. I want to get to know Him a little bit more every time I enter the secret place. I want to learn a little bit more when I crack open my Bible.
God is not my theology.
He is my friend. He is my King. He is my provider.
He is my Daddy.